Distractions

One of the things that a cancer patient doesn't want is to be looked at differently. We still think of the same stuff we would think of before diagnosis.

I strongly dislike it when I'm at a mall and some people would look at me with dread, being in a wheelchair and wearing a bandana, like they are seeing a ghost. Or when I'm always approached in a serious manner like I don't think of anything else but cancer and death. 

Cancer patients are still ALIVE! 

As there is still so much life in me, there are a lot of things that I still want to do - and I mean regular things, not only stuff a dying person would do. 

Sure, I already prepared a journal, letters, and a scrapbook for my children and husband. This sickness may have made life even more dramatic, but I have moments of sheer shallowness.

I think one ingredient to survival is not taking yourself too seriously. I told my children in the beginning that I'd do everything to get well and if that means being light-hearted at times, that I'd be. 

I still think of make-up, shoes, and clothes, dates with my husband and fun breaks with my children.

I do selfies,

flashbacks,

food shots,

or any shot I could think of.

I go to Pinterest for cute outfits,

good food,

home designs,

party ideas, 

and a lot of other pretty things.

I love watching tv shows, and these are the ones I particularly enjoy:

I call these things, distractions. I need them, maybe, as much as I need all my meds. They're like pain drugs that help me forget....Yes, sometimes, I really just want to forget. 

Normal

I still remember those days when I would do my usual activities for work, or with my family, WITHOUT any thought of what I was feeling in my body, what was there and what wasn't. I was strong, young, and had a lot of plans and dreams for myself and my family. 

Things were just....normal. 

These days, I am constantly reminded of this disease I am carrying, with the constant discomfort, limitations on activities and food, numerous pills I take everyday, regular visits to the hospital, injections, scans, hearing some heavy stuff from my doctor, and seeing the scars I gained these past months. Things have changed dramatically for me. Sometimes, I still cry.

But my life isn't necessarily worse.

When I hear my children laugh, play, and see them grow in their interests and talents, it means so much more.

My husband, whose life changed dramatically as well, still have fun, is more focused, has become a better listener, comforter and friend, and....has been busier in the kitchen, which he said he enjoys. 

My heart is happy to see my family grow and become more mature through it all. I am truly blessed.

As for me, I have been learning to be more appreciative of so many things I used to take for granted.

I stand in the shower thanking God that I still have the strength to refresh myself. 

I breathe deeply and I am grateful that my lungs are clear and my heart is strong and healthy. 

Here are a few more things I am grateful for as well:

fun moments with my family

talk time with my husband

better and healthier food at home, and enjoying them  

chats with my friends 

reading books

w a t c h i n g   m o v i e s 

enjoying art

having a clear mind to still think, plan and pray for the future 

MUSIC 

 that I am able to still  do some things like, write, focusing on making my life enjoyable  and meaningful

and simply, LIVING

Maybe this is what's normal...not going about my days unaware, unappreciative, and sooo consumed with the "big things".