An Update 2

I am excited to write this because for the past weeks I have been comfortable, energetic, and was able to do a lot of things. I don't know if they can be called work, but I have been doing things that mean a lot to me.

(Isn't it so much better to write about our victories than our pains and frustrations?)

First thing in my agenda is to get well. I have been consistent in taking my meds, and I am seeing good results! When I started taking the vitamins shown below, I have felt more energetic than I ever was. I think it's also the combination of things. These vitamins plus my other meds for iron, pain, and liver care are all helping me. Thank God for modern medicine!

I am not suggesting that others take these vitamins. I am simply writing about my personal experience. If you are interested in taking these, please ask your doctor. I consulted my doctor before taking these, and she said yes to it.

This morning, I had to thank my husband again as I always do because I really am grateful for him. I told him, my life is prolonged because of the care he is giving me. Isn't that true?

If a patient is secure in the care she is receiving, there can be more peace and joy in her that leads to more life.

Speaking of life, these are the things that occupied MY LIFE for the past weeks:

-We had a fund-raising event called, Great Cuts to Fight Breast Cancer. Some of the hairdressers I know gathered together to support this event. Not only do they love and care for me, but they remember the relationship they had with my mom. They think so fondly of her that they supported our cause wholeheartedly. They are friends and family who are fun-loving and full of life. Not only did we receive funding that's more than we expected, but we also had a lot of fun! There was dancing, singing, and crazy photo shoots. It was a break from my quiet life. I definitely needed that fun time. It was also great to see some of those who care for our family in person. It is life-giving for cancer patients to receive that kind of love. There is nothing like having real connections, apart from the internet that largely occupies us.  

I am truly grateful. Enjoy these wacky shots!

 

We are currently planning to have fundraisers every month. We'd like to make these gatherings fun and worthwhile to remember as family and friends come together. 

We are thankful for everybody's constant support.

-Scrapbooking. I have collected all our albums that are falling apart, and decided to work on one family scrapbook. It will show our wedding pictures, both our civil and church weddings, the birth of our girls, and their growing up years. I am not sure if I am doing a good job. I try to copy the ones in Pinterest but I am just a scrapbooker wanna-be. It's my first time to do this, so I expect improvements later on...hopefully. Here are some samples, 

Yikes! I really hope to be better at this.

-My happy art continues! Not only does this keep me busy, it has also been something I do with my kids. It is a good bonding time with them as we all work in my bed, being comfortably creative. :) Truthfully, I can't draw (Wow, this is brand new information! Not! Haha). What matters is I am having fun, and it keeps me away from negative thoughts and emotions.

Joey's work (ten years old)

Toni's (fourteen years old)

Andi's (seventeen years old)

-Lastly, I have been doing some work with my husband by pitching in ideas for our fundraisers, making a list of things that need to be done, and helping him organize by communicating with persons involved. It doesn't sound much, but I'm happy I am able to do more now. It feels good to be productive, but admittedly, I still can't do a lot of physical work as I still get tired easily. I am not expected by the people around me to work. They're actually doing a good job  in spoiling me. :) But for the season I am in, to do some work feels right. It helps me look forward to things, and therefore, gives me more strength.

November 5 is my third cycle of chemo. So far the new chemo drug, CMF, has been effective. I've been feeling lighter and a lot more comfortable. Please pray that it continues to be effective. 

I am grateful for everything that is keeping me here with my husband and children. It is not yet my time...there are still things to do and say, more love to give, prayers to be prayed, bible verses to read and learn from, and more moments to be touched and encouraged by others, seeing in them the goodness of God.

On Being A Parent

When I just had Andi, my 17-year old, I became a more cautious driver. You see, I loved driving fast.

"I am already a mom, I gotta take care of me. I can't put my life at risk. Somebody has to take care of that baby."

When becoming a parent, you just become more aware that you're life is no longer just for yourself but for the people God entrusted you with.

There was even a time in our parenting when Doods and I (we learned this from our head pastor, and we just thought it made a lot of sense) wouldn't board the same plane. He took one flight and I, another, just to be sure that if anything tragic should happen, there'd be one parent left to take care of our toddlers. 

I just couldn't take the thought of young children not having anyone to parent them. How much more, our own? 

I guess, you become much more aware of your value when you've already lost your own parents. 
You long for their guidance. You wish you have those sharing their wisdom with you. You hope that there are those that are after your best interests. They are your parents. 
Based on my experiences, they really are the only ones looking out for you 100%. The others, and I am not faulting them for this, are just taking care of themselves, or looking out after their own families. They make room for you, but in the end, they go to their own families. It isn't wrong. It isn't sad. It's just a fact of life. That is where they belong.

However, God has been teaching me who we can call our true family, and who truly looks out for us 100%. Doods and I have been adopted...more of this in another post....

So, as a parent and mom, I know that one of my responsibilities, among so many other things, is TO SIMPLY BE THERE, for my children; TO BE AVAILABLE, to give advice, give love and comfort, to be their first teacher, nurse, and minister. It really is the most fulfilling job.

What do I do now when my most important job is being shaken and threatened to be cut short? It really is an on-going question. 

What now when you are faced with a life-threatening sickness? When the assurance of staying with your kids in every stage of their lives is taken away from you? (But who really has that assurance, anyway?)

My goal is to stay for as long as I can. To stay sane despite all the medicines, so I can still be there and communicate with my family. What is the point of living if there really is nothing more I can do?

What comforts me is to know God has always been and will always be there. Even if I go, He, the perfect parent, will be there for my children, just as He did, and is still doing for me.
I know this may be hard for some to understand. But when you've experienced a great loss, something supernatural happens, if you choose to have faith. 
I still get counseled, provided for, protected, and led to live a good life, not perfect, but good. These things may come through friends, other family members, sometimes, even from people I've never met. I believe, it is because God, my Father, makes ways. 

Psalm 27:10

"For my father and my mother have left me, and the LORD has taken me up."

There is hope for me. I am holding on to that.
More importantly, whatever happens, there is hope, a lot of it, for my children, because of God.

And this, gives me peace.