On Being A Parent

When I just had Andi, my 17-year old, I became a more cautious driver. You see, I loved driving fast.

"I am already a mom, I gotta take care of me. I can't put my life at risk. Somebody has to take care of that baby."

When becoming a parent, you just become more aware that you're life is no longer just for yourself but for the people God entrusted you with.

There was even a time in our parenting when Doods and I (we learned this from our head pastor, and we just thought it made a lot of sense) wouldn't board the same plane. He took one flight and I, another, just to be sure that if anything tragic should happen, there'd be one parent left to take care of our toddlers. 

I just couldn't take the thought of young children not having anyone to parent them. How much more, our own? 

I guess, you become much more aware of your value when you've already lost your own parents. 
You long for their guidance. You wish you have those sharing their wisdom with you. You hope that there are those that are after your best interests. They are your parents. 
Based on my experiences, they really are the only ones looking out for you 100%. The others, and I am not faulting them for this, are just taking care of themselves, or looking out after their own families. They make room for you, but in the end, they go to their own families. It isn't wrong. It isn't sad. It's just a fact of life. That is where they belong.

However, God has been teaching me who we can call our true family, and who truly looks out for us 100%. Doods and I have been adopted...more of this in another post....

So, as a parent and mom, I know that one of my responsibilities, among so many other things, is TO SIMPLY BE THERE, for my children; TO BE AVAILABLE, to give advice, give love and comfort, to be their first teacher, nurse, and minister. It really is the most fulfilling job.

What do I do now when my most important job is being shaken and threatened to be cut short? It really is an on-going question. 

What now when you are faced with a life-threatening sickness? When the assurance of staying with your kids in every stage of their lives is taken away from you? (But who really has that assurance, anyway?)

My goal is to stay for as long as I can. To stay sane despite all the medicines, so I can still be there and communicate with my family. What is the point of living if there really is nothing more I can do?

What comforts me is to know God has always been and will always be there. Even if I go, He, the perfect parent, will be there for my children, just as He did, and is still doing for me.
I know this may be hard for some to understand. But when you've experienced a great loss, something supernatural happens, if you choose to have faith. 
I still get counseled, provided for, protected, and led to live a good life, not perfect, but good. These things may come through friends, other family members, sometimes, even from people I've never met. I believe, it is because God, my Father, makes ways. 

Psalm 27:10

"For my father and my mother have left me, and the LORD has taken me up."

There is hope for me. I am holding on to that.
More importantly, whatever happens, there is hope, a lot of it, for my children, because of God.

And this, gives me peace.