Stress

I hope you learn from me. I was very stressed before my cancer diagnosis. 

I had an idea on how life should look like and I tried so hard to attain it. The terrible thing was, I thought I was still doing the right thing.

I would get frustrated when what was happening didn't match what I had in mind. 

I had specific visions of how my kids should be, and how family life and work should go. I even had very specific things in mind how my husband should be and do. And it caused A LOT of fights. I was forcing so many things to happen. I forgot that I already had great people around me, that I was already blessed with work, a home, and a wonderful family. I forgot to be more grateful than WISHING all the time. 

My thinking was, work on always improving. If there's still something that could be done to make things better, do it, and do it NOW! I put a lot of pressure on myself, and on the people around me, especially on my husband, and sadly, my kids. 

I ignored God's timing and His ways. I thought my ways were His ways because I confessed I was a Christian, but I still had a lot to learn. 

Check out this article concerning stress and how it affects our health, Causes And Effects Of Stress.

May I share something with you? Promise me you won't laugh. When I would get angry or worry, before  I found out about the cancer, I would feel a heavy throbbing on my chest. I thought I was starting to have a heart problem knowing that my father's side of the family was susceptible to heart diseases. When I was finally diagnosed, what was throbbing were the tumors on my right chest. It was exactly where I could feel the heavy beating. The tumors were reacting to my stress!

My husband and I believe, stress played a major part in the cancer growth in my body. 

That is why, now, it is easier for me to avoid it knowing how it affects my health, how it brings my immune system down. I have to surround myself with people, things, and situations that are relaxing for me. I have to constantly pursue a lifestyle of peace, and joy. 

The great thing is, this lifestyle change doesn't only affect me but also my family. I have more peace in my marriage, and I have more intimate conversations with my three daughters. We say "I love you" a lot, and we would talk about the wrong things we were doing in the past. We are on the lookout for worry and anger. They can't have any room in our present lives. 

BUT, there are still times that we give in to worry and anger. How can we not?! Having cancer in the family is supposedly even more stressful than when I didn't have it. But surprisingly, even though, we're in this situation now, it is EASIER to get rid of them; to choose to speak and act towards PEACE. It is easier because now, we are aware. 

We have to pray a lot. We need to be surrounded by God's word, and people who have faith and are encouraging. 

Some people still accept that being stressed is the normal way to live. They justify it, and sometimes even look for it. 

There was one time during my cancer treatment, because our family is working on being peaceful so much, that I felt so rested, relaxed and PEACEFUL. But I felt empty. I wasn't used to that way of life. I asked myself, "Is there something wrong that I'm so at peace right now? Am I missing something?" I was looking for stress and problems.

I get it. To those who are justifying their stressful way of living and are saying that I don't understand, I do! I also wanted what everyone is working hard for. I am also a wife, a mother, and in friendships and other relationships that are not exactly ideal. And now, I am sick. None of those should justify stress or a problematic life. Living in this world is hard for everyone. 

We all need God.

We all need to connect with Jesus. 

Exercise, good food, vacations, and money can help for a time, but Jesus is our Life! He is the source of everything. 

It is the blessing of the LORD that makes rich, And He adds no sorrow to it.

- New American Standard Version 

Matthew 11:28-28Living Bible (TLB)

28 Come to me and I will give you rest—all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke—for it fits perfectly—and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.”

Psalm 23

2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.

It is a waste of time and energy to insist on what we're used to. God's ways are the best. 

Cancer is a wake up call for me. Please please don't wait for something to happen to you to accept that being stressed and your way apart from God ISN'T the way. 

Choose your health. Choose peace. Choose simplicity. Choose people instead of things. Choose God's ways. Choose to know His Word. Choose Jesus.

Psalm 119

25 I am completely discouraged—I lie in the dust. Revive me by your Word. 26 I told you my plans and you replied. Now give me your instructions. 27 Make me understand what you want; for then I shall see your miracles.

Las Casas

Last March 15-16, we stepped out in faith and decided to celebrate our eldest's 18th birthday at Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar, Bataan. 

I just came from a 4-day hospital admission, and there were a lot that needed to be done to "normalize" my condition. As a result, we spent a large amount of money once again. 

The good thing is, we are never left alone in our situation. Help always comes. 

As soon as I could go out and be a little more active, we decided to celebrate Andi's birthday earlier,  since her birthday is on March 24. Chemo is coming up, and we didn't want our funds to run out again and not have anything for our daughter's special day. You see, having a life threatening sickness in the family makes your money go like a running faucet would with water. 

That's why we embrace faith. Since my diagnosis, faith has been our companion. We wouldn't make it without the powerful force of faith. Thankfully, it has never let us down. We are always lifted up from all our troubles. There are always reasons to be joyful and grateful. Challenges are always present but they are never stronger than the hope that things are going to be fine in the end. 

So we went to Las Casas, our daughter's first choice for her birthday celebration. Our family is never into parties and big events. We always preferred intimate celebrations. Even in simplicity, we still had the best time. 

I am so thankful that I was strong enough to enjoy our time there with my family. The place was so beautiful and relaxing. The food was great. And the family had a lot of laughter and bonding moments. 

Faith performs great things in our lives. Life doesn't stop when cancer hits you. 

 

John 14:12 Living Bible (TLB)

12-13 “In solemn truth I tell you, anyone believing in me shall do the same miracles I have done, and even greater ones.....

We took so many photos to remember that special event by. We are definitely building wonderful memories with our children. It isn't this sickness that's the biggest thing in our lives, but it is our relationships - God's love for us, our love for Him, our affection for our family and friends. That's what life is about. No challenge should eat away our love and our ways to express it. 

It is faith that helps us through all the hardships, and keeps us up when life beats us down. I know, there will still be difficulties up ahead but faith in God will take us through. 

Ephesians 6:16 The Voice (VOICE)

16 Don’t forget to raise the shield of faith above all else, so you will be able to extinguish flaming spears hurled at you from the wicked one.

Thank you, Jesus, for our intimate time at Las Casas, and for your constant provision for my family. 

Emergency

Last March 4, a Wednesday, I was rushed to the emergency room for heavy bleeding. We already called an ambulance, and it is unfortunate that my children had to witness all that. They didn't need to worry more than they already were. We are all learning how to deal with it, and I trust that all these experiences are teaching them to be tough as well as tenderhearted.

I never wanted to be brought to the ER because I wanted to avoid the procedures that would be done. My body had already gone through so much. But my stubborness didn't work this time. 

When I was already there, they did a blood test and more problems were discovered. My sodium and potassium level was so low! My oncologist said I was close to going into a coma. Scary! 

Once again, I was saved right on time. 

I don't remember if I was in pain but I was very restless the first night I was admitted. I couldn't find a comfortable position in the bed. I even leaned out of it. Good thing, Doods was there to catch me. 

The way they explained it was because my electrolytes were so low, I lacked moisture in my brain that I wasn't in my right senses. This sickness really does a lot to a person. That's why it's so important to be watchful and prayerful. 

I appreciate all the prayers around me. I feel I am being saved many times by the prayers of family and friends. Please continue to pray for me and my family. We are very grateful for this blessing in our lives.

It was March 6 when I was brought to the OR for a minor procedure - cauterization and ligation of the cancer site. Everything felt better after that. Doods was relieved that the site was smaller and I started to feel less pain. I am so thankful for the sincere concern of my doctors. God bless them. 

On our last day, after a very long sleep, I woke up feeling I was still in my dream. I gave Doods a hard time because I was so emotional and I was saying some pretty disturbing things. Again, I wasn't in my right senses. Having a chemical imbalance is pretty bad. A balanced nutrition is so important. I was so low in sodium that my oncologist already advised me to eat chips! Yay! Oh, how I missed Doritos! 

Now, I eat almost anything. Yesterday, I ate pork barbecue! Woohoo, happy dance! Anything but with cleansing - guyabano, pineapple and carrot juice, lemonade, calamansi, and lots of water. 

It was a Saturday when we left the hospital, but had to insist on it, we had to sign a waiver. I already got three packs of blood and a good amount of sodium and potassium infusion. I felt, what would be most helpful at that time was to be home and be with our kids. All these make up my healing. 

It felt so good to see our kids, to find out they were so responsible being home without us. 

I am so thankful for the people who surrounded us during that time, from those who stayed with our kids, made sure our home was well kept and our kids were safe, to those who assisted us in the hospital financially and helping us get settled there. 

We couldn't have done everything without the people around us. We are so grateful for all the help. 

Not Easy

There is a modern day idol and its name is "Easy". We pursue it; crave it, and work so hard to get it. I am guilty of this sin.

Easy relationships. Easy access to information. Easy everything. 

Even though life is never simple, it is still something I dream of. It occupies my mind day and night to have a less burdensome life. I crave for it so much that I forget what I really should be thinking about: God and His purpose for my life. "Easy" becomes an idol, and I repent. 

If we think about it, there is nothing easy or simple in any of God's designs. 

Our body is an intricate set of wires, ligaments, muscles, bones and organs, and even unseen elements, tightly put together in a complicated manner forming beautiful works of art. 

Our world is composed of hills, mountains, valleys, deserts, rocks, sands, with creations such as plants and animals with different and complex behaviors and demanding needs, making up a vibrant, breathing, and amazing world. 

Our great men and women, if we watch and study their lives, didn't live easy lives. All had struggles, and went through pains. Many died for their beliefs. As innocent men and women, they were mocked, persecuted, hunted down, harassed, isolated, jailed, and even killed. My greatest example is Jesus, who, instead of coming as a prestigious king, came as a meek carpenter's son; SACRIFICED himself to die a criminal's death - far from an untroublesome life. 

So why do I still dream of an easy life? What I need to learn is ACCEPTANCE that this life is designed with twists and turns AND highs and lows. 

This song clearly says what needs to be done through all these complications, 

  Through Heaven's Eyes 

Prince of Egypt

A single thread in a tapestry

though its color brightly shines

can never see its purpose

in the pattern of the grand design

and the stone that sits up on the very top

of the mountain's mighty face

does it think that it's more important

than the stones that forms the base

So how can you see what your life is worth

or where your value lies

ohhhh, you can never see through the eyes of man

you must look at your life

look at your life through heaven's eyes

lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes

A lake of gold in the desert sand

is less than a cool fresh spring

and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy

is greater than the richest king

should a man lose everything he owns

has he truly lost his worth

or is it the beginning

of a new and brighter birth

So how do you measure the worth of a man

in wealth or strength or size

in how much he gained or how much he gave

the answer will come

the answer will come to him who tries

to look at his life through heaven's eyes

lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes

and that's why we share all we have with you

though there's little to be found

when all you've got is nothing

there's lots to go around

No life can escape being blown about

by the winds of change and chance

and though you never know all the steps

you must learn to join the dance

you must learn to join the dance

lai-la-lai

So how do you judge what a man is worth

By what he builds or buys

You can never see with your eyes on earth

Look through heaven's eyes(look at your life)

Look at your life

Look at your life through heaven's eyes

You must learn to join the dance. 

I must learn to join the dance. 

What I need, and should DESIRE is to continually worship and honor Him during my struggles. Thank Him for all the pain. Trust and FOCUS on Him. It is ALL about Him because, simply put, He. Is. GOD. 

There can never be room in my mind for idols, including Easy. 

There was a pastor who told me and my husband once, "ENJOY this challenge." At that time, we thought that was impossible and crazy. Now, I am slowly getting it. 

Something great is going to come out of this cancer, whether I feel it or not. "Easy" would never produce that greatness. 

I am getting excited! 

Hebrews 12

"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."