Making Peace

I am not being negative, or hopeless. I am not even saying that I am totally ok with the idea. To be honest, I am not one of those who say, "I am prepared to die." But for this ninth entry, I'd like to talk about death.

It is not a welcome event, hence, the cancer treatments. But since it is the season to remember the death of our Lord, maybe, it wouldn't be too morbid to talk about it, or boldly say THE word.

This morning, over breakfast, I was talking to Doods about an article I read entitled, Why Doctors Die Differently, and telling him how enlightening it was. I didn't realize that my ten-year old who had already left the table could still hear us. Joey unhesitatingly interrupted us and said, "Why are you talking about death?! Don't talk about it!" She was close to tears, and kept saying those words. 

Of course, we stopped; understood that she's ten, having a lot of life and energy in her, the thought of dying is mind-boggling. 

I wonder, how many of us even in our adult years look at and speak of death like that of a ten-year old?

I recall those times when that word was mentioned, I would always say in panic, Don't say that!" As if not saying the D word would make us immortals. 

It is both confusing and dizzying to consider dying, isn't it?

Now that I am faced with cancer, though I try to stay as positive as I can, I can't help but think of it all the time. There have been a few preparations in case it happens, so I talk to my husband about it, which he says "No, that's not gonna happen" to.

I stop him when he responds that way as I remember the time my mom was dealing with lung cancer (at 39 years old!). We were all praying for and expecting a miracle, and were never able to prepare for the unwanted. I am not diminishing the possibility of miracles. No, not at all. However, I have been learning that miracles cannot be limited to a healthy physical life. 

Because I was unprepared, I was shaken up and confused for a long long time after my mom's death. It was an experience that I wouldn't want for my family, especially my children. 

I know, whatever is said and done, nothing can entirely prepare anyone for a loved one's passing, but I do my best. I am learning, in order to create peace in them, I have to have it in myself first.

Here are some of the points I have gotten so far that help me have peace in the face of death:

- Jesus died young. He was thirty-three, but he lived a fulfilled and complete life. I don't go for words like, "I still have a lot to do. It's not yet my time" anymore. God could be saying, "Your work is done. It's time to go."

- This quote, "Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home," by C.S. Lewis.

- And these verses from the Bible, 2 Corinthians 5 For we know that when this tent we live in now is taken down—when we die and leave these bodies—we will have wonderful new bodies in heaven, homes that will be ours forevermore, made for us by God himself.... 2 How weary we grow of our present bodies. That is why we look forward eagerly to the day when we shall have heavenly bodies that we shall put on like new clothes.....4 These earthly bodies make us groan and sigh.....We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will, as it were, be swallowed up by everlasting life....every moment we spend in these earthly bodies is time spent away from our eternal home in heaven with Jesus. 7 We know these things are true by believing, not by seeing. 8 And we are not afraid but are quite content to die, for then we will be at home with the Lord.9 So our aim is to please him always in everything we do.....

Whether we like it or not, we, as a family, is in the process of making peace with death. 

Surrounded by uncertainties, shouldn't this be the same for everyone?