No Fear

I'm in the middle of my second cycle of Xeloda, and it has been like a roller coaster ride. 

During the first cycle, I had some doubts about this new drug. I just came from a regimen that my oncologist had a lot of confidence in. She said Carboplatin works best for the triple negative type. She was so positive about it that I was already reading up on articles about life after cancer. On my seventh session, she saw that the cancer progressed which led to its discontinue and another major surgery. 

When I started with Xeloda, I felt a little improvement right away, but on my second week, I felt something that I believed was a progression. Even on my first check-up with my oncologist, she wasn't very positive, and we were already preparing to add Taxotere to my regimen. But during my one week break, the site of the skin mets began to dry up and decrease in size. Then I read about tumor flares as one of the side effects of chemotherapy. They eventually subside and you realize the chemo drug is actually working for you. 

My oncologist confirmed the improvement so we moved on to the next cycle. Now, I can only hope and pray that I am only experiencing another flare-up. I am looking forward to an improvement after I complete this second round. 

I am on a roller coaster ride, indeed, and it can get scary many times. 

Back in 1999, I had a dream about this intimidating ride. I am sure about the year because it was the time Doods had just left his corporate work so we could focus on our business. I thought it represented the fear and doubts that the transition brought, and maybe it did too. But, just the other day I was reminded of it again. I still remember the thought I had in that dream being in an unsecured and chilling ride. I thought,  "It's ok. As long as I have Jesus, I am safe." So now that I am once again at a scary point, I go back to those words. As long as I have Jesus, I am safe.